Originally published in January 2022 print.

Three couples answer questions on their first year woes and what they’ve learned through their relationship.

Darien and Mariah

Give us a brief introduction into you both:

Our names are Darien and Mariah Peterson and we met in college at Cal State University, Northridge back in 2010. We both stayed in the freshman dorms, he was on the 4th floor and I was on the 3rd. I, Mariah, had recently gotten out of a relationship, and I was crying at the pool with a friend of mine. Darien and his friend saw us, Darien comforted me and we’ve been friends since. We then became official in 2013. So we’ve been together for 9 years in February 2022 and married for 5 in June.

What are typical year one challenges you experienced?

Money was one of the main challenges we experienced in the first year. We moved a little faster than normal because we were like best friends for 3 years before getting together. So still being students at the time and working minimum wage, we struggled a lot of the time, which made it challenging for us to stay on the same page in our relationship.

What did you learn from those challenges?

We would say we learned to be more patient with one another and to listen to each other’s needs. Whether that was emotional, spiritually, sexually; you can get so caught up in all the challenges you are facing in a relationship, and get distracted by money, or outside influences, you can forget to ask your partner what they need. Also, being more accepting of where that person was at in life and not rushing them into becoming the person who they’re trying to be. Overall, be patient with each other.. we’re all growing and learning new things about each other and even ourselves everyday.

What is something you wish you had known before getting into your relationship either about yourself or your partner? 

We wish we would have understood early on that as people grow older, you change overtime. People don’t stay the same. And in a relationship, you have to be willing to go through those changes together. Through thick and thin, through the personal battles, or the issues you gave together, neither one is perfect. And if that’s your muse, your soulmate, you’ll work it out and continue to grow together.

What advice would you give that you believe is most important for any couple in their first year of the relationship?

What works for your relationship, is what works for you. There will always be someone telling you how you’re supposed to be and what to do when you’re married. But honestly, there’s no rule book. What may work for one, may not work for the other. There’s all these preconceived ideas of what a relationship should be like. But whatever worked for you before, keep that. There’s no reason for you to change.

Corey and Raychel

Give us a brief introduction into you both:

We are Raychel “Raye” Smith and Corey McWhinnie. Corey works as a Hospital Administrator. Raye works in TV and Film Production. You can find us on our instagram page Notorious_LUV. We met at a birthday dinner for one of our acquaintances. We established our relationship in May 2020 and have been together for a little over 1.5 years.

What are typical year one challenges you experienced?

First, we would say dating during a pandemic. When we fell in love, we fell fast and hard. The pandemic gave an unlimited amount of time to learn each other quickly, without any interference, and we may  have taken too much of an advantage. Before we knew it, we looked up and year past, and we  realized that we took very little time for ourselves and nor spent much time outside of each  other 

Additionally, before getting together, we both were single for quite some time. Once we decided that we  were going to be in a relationship, we had to learn the value of compromise. Prior to the establishment of our relationship, we had individual lives and catered to our own needs. We quickly learned to be considerate of each other and how to honor our exclusivity.  

What did you learn from those challenges?

We learned to be gracious toward each other. Because we have found each other’s presence valuable, there’s absolutely no problem with us giving each other as much grace as we need to  be the greatest we can be.  Also, we’ve learned that every word of criticism isn’t negative. We try to find the constructive pieces in our hard conversations and see how we can build and grow from them.  We’ve learned to speak ONLY peaceably to each other, despite how tough the conversation(s)  may be.  

What is something you wish you had known before getting into your relationship either about yourself or your partner? 

Corey: Before getting in a relationship, I would like to have been more secure in my purpose. Also, I  wish I would’ve known how long it takes Raye to get ready. 

Raychel: I’m not sure if there’s anything I wish I would have known, but I definitely wish that I would  have been better prepared entering into a relationship. Prior to us making it official, I was very content with  myself. The idea of having a partner was nice, but If it happened or not, I was totally fine by myself. Once we established our relationship, I quickly went from single and selfish to being more considerate and inclusive of my partner’s wants and needs.  

What advice would you give that you believe is most important for any couple in their first year of the relationship?

No matter how new and fresh the relationship may be, be prepared to put in work. Be compromising & open. Remember, your partner came into the relationship as an individual with their own life. Be gracious, and allow them space to evolve within the relationship! Be a good communicator – say what you mean and mean what you say!

Treci and Amir

Give us a brief introduction into you both:

Amir: We have been together for 29 years and married 27 years. A mutual friend (Kelly Henson) set us up on a blind date at a high school football game. We both found each other attractive, but it wasn’t exactly love at first sight. 

Treci: Yeah, there wasn’t really a spark. But we remained friendly throughout the years.  It wasn’t until we ran into each other at an SDSU step show that we felt the spark. I was 21 and he was 22. We’ve been together ever since. 

What are typical year one challenges you experienced? 

Treci: It’s typical to have struggles around daily habits, finances, etc. and we’re no different. We didn’t live together until after we were married so we had to deal with the challenges most couples don’t really think about until they’re doing the day to day together.

Amir: Listen, when you have two autonomous people coming together, there’s going to be some tricky things to navigate, especially when it comes to finances. We immediately combined our finances because it solidifies the partnership but it can be hard to manage if there’s a difference in income. Beyond that, there can be little things that creep up like large purchases or differences in philosophies around how and when to pay off debt.  

What did you learn from those challenges?

Amir: The first year is rough, but people are too eager to give up on their relationships.  We learned to stay in communication throughout the challenging periods and to learn from each other.

Treci: Exactly. We learned each other’s strong points and how to embrace them in the relationship and how to leverage them in the partnership overall.

What is something you wish you had known before getting into your relationship either about yourself or your partner?

Amir:  I wish we knew how to deal with our different sleeping habits. Treci is a night owl and I’m in bed by 10pm every night and I am a light sleeper. It sounds like a small issue, but it can be tough. Luckily, we worked out a sleep schedule that works for both of us.

Treci: There are things you intuitively know about your partner- otherwise there would be no connection. But recognizing the difference in communication styles is key. Think about it, we came from two different families with different communication styles and when that’s not recognized, it can make you feel like you’re not being heard. It would have been so much easier if we had known how to articulate our love languages early on. Once we learned, it amplified our connection.

What advice would you give that you believe is most important for any couple in their first year of the relationship?

Treci: Be careful about bringing your old relationships into your new relationships. Understand your triggers and insecurities from your old relationships.

Amir: Again, communication is key. You have to understand that it’s a transitional time for both people involved. If you create the atmosphere in which you can talk and communicate, then it should be a space where they can tell the truth.