Black Love Chat – Meet Amir and Treci Smith

Give us a brief introduction into you both:

Amir: We have been together for 29 years and married 27 years. A mutual friend (Kelly Henson) set us up on a blind date at a high school football game. We both found each other attractive, but it wasn’t exactly love at first sight. 

Treci: Yeah, there wasn’t really a spark. But we remained friendly throughout the years.  It wasn’t until we ran into each other at an SDSU step show that we felt the spark. I was 21 and he was 22. We’ve been together ever since. 

What are typical year one challenges you experienced? 

Treci: It’s typical to have struggles around daily habits, finances, etc. and we’re no different. We didn’t live together until after we were married so we had to deal with the challenges most couples don’t really think about until they’re doing the day to day together.

Amir: Listen, when you have two autonomous people coming together, there’s going to be some tricky things to navigate, especially when it comes to finances. We immediately combined our finances because it solidifies the partnership but it can be hard to manage if there’s a difference in income. Beyond that, there can be little things that creep up like large purchases or differences in philosophies around how and when to pay off debt.  

 What did you learn from those challenges?

Amir: The first year is rough, but people are too eager to give up on their relationships.  We learned to stay in communication throughout the challenging periods and to learn from each other.

Treci: Exactly. We learned each other’s strong points and how to embrace them in the relationship and how to leverage them in the partnership overall.

What is something you wish you had known before getting into your relationship either about yourself or your partner?

Amir:  I wish we knew how to deal with our different sleeping habits. Treci is a night owl and I’m in bed by 10pm every night and I am a light sleeper. It sounds like a small issue, but it can be tough. Luckily, we worked out a sleep schedule that works for both of us.

Treci: There are things you intuitively know about your partner- otherwise there would be no connection. But recognizing the difference in communication styles is key. Think about it, we came from two different families with different communication styles and when that’s not recognized, it can make you feel like you’re not being heard. It would have been so much easier if we had known how to articulate our love languages early on. Once we learned, it amplified our connection.

What advice would you give that you believe is most important for any couple in their first year of the relationship?

Treci: Be careful about bringing your old relationships into your new relationships. Understand your triggers and insecurities from your old relationships

Amir: Again, communication is key. You have to understand that it’s a transitional time for both people involved. If you create the atmosphere in which you can talk and communicate, then it should be a space where they can tell the truth.