Black Love Chat with Levar and Reanne Harris

Levar, please tell me about how you and Reanne met. Take us back to that first date.  
Reanne and I actually first met through my fraternity’s Miss Black & Gold scholarship pageant at UC Riverside. I was paired as her partner, and we just continued to vibe more and more with every passing practice. She ended up not only winning the pageant but also a husband ;).  

How long were you both together before getting engaged? And how long have you both been together in total?  
We were together 3 years before getting engaged, have been together for 12 years and married for almost 8.  

What let you both know that you were the right one for each other in terms of getting married?  
LeVar: I knew Reanne was the right one because although we shared the same core values in regards to faith, family, finances, and overall fitness, she was the complete opposite of me in almost every other aspect and that complimented me. I saw how strong she was in the areas that I lacked, and we made the perfect team.  

Reanne: I agree. I also knew LeVar was the right one for me because he challenged me to give 100% and to expect 100% from him as well, there was no 50/50. He’s also a man of great integrity and a leader, which are qualities I both admire and respect. .  

How was the whole process of planning the wedding to the day of?  
Reanne: Funny enough it wasn’t that bad or a big deal for either of us. I actually graduated from law school in May 2015 and spent the day after graduation until the end of July, studying 8-10 hours a day for the California Bar.  Our wedding was September 5, 2015, so by the time I had taken my exam there were only about 30 days left for me to be involved in the process. Prior to that, my amazing maid and matron of honor did all the heavy lifting, so we would probably need to ask them how the process went for an honest answer (haha).  

What advice would you give to any couple that’s ready to tie the knot?  
I don’t think there’s any novel advice left but when we were newlyweds, the advice we received that proved to be the most beneficial was to over communicate, never make assumptions about your spouse’s emotions, and to always give the other person the benefit of the doubt during any misunderstanding.  

Is there anything you wish you knew prior to getting engaged or married?  
Marriage is a continual learning process. The person you marry in your 20s will most likely be a very different person in their 30s & 40s. So you really have to make sure to build a strong foundation so you grow together and not apart.  

Some people do couples/marriage counseling as preparation, was that something you both did? If not was there anything you both felt was important to discuss prior to getting married?  
We were intentional about discussing finances such as our credit scores, debt, views on budgeting etc. Thankfully we started dating in college when we both didn’t really have anything but it was important to us that we were aligned on how we approached money going forward given its importance in marriage. We truly built everything we have together  

We love Black Love! Why is Black Love so important for us to see as a community to you both?  
Unfortunately, our culture (both Black and media) hasn’t always done a great job representing the benefits of being faithful, and committed. But, we’ve been blessed to experience the power of building with one person (financially, emotionally, and spiritually) and want to share that and for someone, maybe even be the representation they’ve needed to see. . 

What’s your love language and what’s his love language?  
All of them, for me.  For LeVar, I would say he appreciates acts of service most.  

How do you keep your relationship and marriage fresh?  
We make sure that we continue to experience new things together, our favorite being travel. Sometimes it’s traveling across the world and other times it’s traveling locally to new restaurants. There’s something refreshing about sharing a new experience with someone.  

Lastly, how do you maintain a positive and healthy communication with one another even when the other is upset or you have to have those uncomfortable conversations?  
We’ve learned to not address everything in the moment. When tensions are high, your spouse is not in the mental state to receive what you have to say anyway.  We know they say “not to go to bed angry” but sometimes you should sleep on it and in the morning have a much more level-headed conversation.  

You also learn your person over the years and in our experience anyway, the longer we’ve been together the less tense and/or uncomfortable conversations we’ve had to have.  We really just get each other now and for the most part, manage to avoid conflict altogether.   

Is there anything else you would love to leave readers with? 
Just that you don’t have to have it all together before committing to each other.  Building with your spouse really is a cheat code in life. We both credit our successes in life thus far, to each other and having a consistent partnership since we were 20 and 22 years old.